So here it is, the 10 WORST songs ever written. Just think. I actually had to relisten to ALL of these songs just so I could relish how awful they are.
10. Aaron Carter: "Come get it"
Anything Aaron Carter is just poison to the ears but this might just take the cake. Here's a nice lyrical sample:
Then walked in
The girl I'm crushin'
And the kid spilled juice
On my Mom's new cushion
I turned around and
Another kid broke the lamp
(I hope they weren't expensive)
They got them from France
For now I won't sweat it
I'll clean it up later
There's a honey over there
And I really wanna meet her
You know you've listened to a terrible song when somebody tries to rhyme "there" with "her." He was only 12 when he wrote this (Did he write this himself?), so that's why he's only #10. Now he's 23.
9. Toby Keith "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue"
I have to say, I strongly dislike country music in general. It's just chockful of nationalistic, jingoistic bullshit that makes me wince and go "pfffftish." This song is a case study of everything that is wrong with country music. Right now (as I'm typing this) I'm watching the video on Youtube and reading the always entertaining Youtube comments. This is just a sample of thought that bubbles up in the minds of your diehard Toby Keith fan:
Warning - God Is Going To Judge America - Unless You Repent You Will Be Like Sodom and Gommora - Unless You Turn Back To God You Will Be Like Sodom and Gommora - Unless You Repent You Will Be Very Sorry for your sins - and you will beg and beg and plead and weep and mourn - and you will have just started those of you who end up in the Lake of fire - Hell is No Joke and Your Soul Is No Joke - wake up and Turn rom Sin and Live For The One Who Died For You - Repent and Get Right With God
Indeed.
If you find yourself in the need of puking, you can watch the video on Youtube. In the video, You'll find the use of soldiers and veterens to push what is mostly a political agenda.
"We'll stick a boot in your ass/It's the American Way." So let's just go ahead and start some morewars and try to justify them by saying the troops "fought for our freedoms." I don't know if this song was made after 9/11, or to the buildup to Iraq. I guess I understand if it was the former, considering it was right after we got attacked, but Iraq was such a fucking joke. I'm not even going to go on any further about the politics of this song, because this post wasn't meant to be political in the first place. Country music sucks, Toby Keith sucks. Enough said.
8. Collective Soul: "Heaven let your light Shine down"
This song is 4:40 seconds of repetitive boring stupidity. And if you thought the song was boring, the music video is like doubly boring. The song does however get interrupted by and OK guitar solo. I really hate it when the singer keeps going "Yea!" like a drunken beard-sporting Harley-Davidson enthusiast-in between what is one of the stupidest guitar riffs of all time.
7. Robbie Williams "Millenium"
This is the song that starts off like this:
Some say that we are players
Some say that we are pawns
but we've been making money since the day that we were born
Besides being a really dreadful song, it's the fact that this song became obselete in 2001. Sure, it was the Millenium, (and those don't come by too often) but there were so many other songs that referenced the year 2000. Although I don't listen to the radio much, any song that mentions a specific time stops getting played once that time elapsed. In this case for the better:
live for liposuction
and detox for your rent
overdose at Christmas
and give it up for lent
my friends are all so cynical
refuse to keep the faith
we all enjoy the madness cause we know we're gonna to fade away
Fade away Robbie. Fade away...
6. "Ice Ice Baby" Vanilla Ice
Ok, I admit it. I got the CD from a grab bag at Bullmoose. So I decided to listen to it. It is what I would call aesthetically horrid. If you want a great experience, then throw in Vanilla Ice and listen to the full CD. After, take your favorite CD and put it in. Much Better! When this song became popular, he didn't even credit Queen or David Bowie after stealing the bassline and piano intro for "Under Pressure." What a douche. If you really want to know what an awful musician he is, check out the video (embed not working at this time, so just type it in youtube)
5. "Make 'em say UGH!" Master P
Judging by this song, the "P" in Master P's pseudonym must stand for "poop." The song sounds like this guy needs some Exlax, and fast. It goes "Make 'em say UGH! Da na na nah!" I don't know what the second part means and I don't think I want to.
4. "I'm so Paid" Akon
This song pulls out all the stops. Too much auto-tune, stupid lyrics, and it's just annoying in general. One of my co-workers at one of my former jobs put this song on repeat. So I kinda learned to not like it. It's also the same as mostly every other rap/hip-hop song. Hustlin', bein' a badass, and bein' ill in the ride. Also usin' words that be needin' an '
3. "Smooth" Matchbox 20
When I decided to make this list. This is one of those songs that I knew would be in the top 3. It's so overplayed and I nearly break my dial trying to avoid hearing this song for the 99,000,000th time. And what a waste of reputation for Santana! Known as one of the greatest guitarists in the world, and he works on a song like this? Unbelievable. Almost any Matchbox 20 song should be on a list like this, but this... This is just pure dread.
2. Most of Nickelback's songs (Except "If Everyone Cared" which is actually OK)
Nickelback is responsible for the death of modern rock. End of story. This is where I stopped listening to "Alternative Rock" radio nearly entirely. It was the deathblow as far as I'm concerned. Nickelback is so awful, that there are even conspiracy theories as to how bad they are. I don't believe them (but I would like to!). Here's one that has gotten a lot of attention:
"What you people don't seem to realize is that Nickelback is performance-art pranksterism. A practical joke perpetrated on the public. Chad Kroeger is actually a painter and musician from New York. He was in an avant-garde noise rock band called " Fingerprince " from 1991 to 1993. In 1995 he hired 3 actor/musicians for a project where they would imitate terrible music and through various connections in the art and music world, gain international fame. Chad originally intended to use the profits to fund an LSD manufacturing laboratory based in Alberta, Canada. However, they underestimated how positively the public would react towards their music. I have learned,through a reliable source who knows Kroeger personally, that the band plans to stage a plane crash a la Buddy Holly sometime in 2011 before the release of their next album."
WORST: "Dessert Rose" by Sting
"I dream of raaayyyyaaa--- aay--ay-aaaaayyyyyn!" Every time I hear that, I want to pull out my hair and plug my ears with it. Not only is he a terrible singer in this song (He actually made decent songs when he was singer of The Police) but there's this lady also chanting middle eastern sounding awfulness.
There were so many other contenders for this list. I don't think I would've included Vanilla Ice had he not ripped off Queen and Bowie (because seriously, Ice is a joke and therefore falls under "comically bad"). I kind of want to make another list JUST for these types. We could have LFO (I like girls who where Abercrombie and Fitch) duke it out with Spin Doctors (Just go ahead now!). The possibilities are endless.
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